If you can’t say anything nice…

This week I want to talk about self-talk and what a power habit it is.

In my experience, most people are aware of the lesson “if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say any at all.” It meant for children so that the recipient doesn’t have to enact the counter-curse of “sticks and stones”. Better to not start the tit for tat.

I disagree. Knowing what we know about gratitude and positive thoughts I would propose that if we say something not nice, we must counter it ourselves with something nice. The habit of gratitude and positive thinking is a habit. It can reform how the brain functions because of the amazing phenomenon of neuroplasticity.

Positive or affirming quality language is not only shown beneficial in science, but also in the metaphysical realm as well. The law of attraction, the ability to manifest and that people are happier are recognized and accepted occurrences. Without saying something nice to yourself these would not be possible.

Similarly if your self-talk isn’t positive (i.e. nice) then you are creating doubt and negative energy. Not believing in yourself and saying ugly things about yourself will only make them true.

I’m not talking about missing a free throw and saying “C’mon Jen! Get your head in the game.” Although there are certainly more positive word choices, but there is not doubt that I am able to accomplish what is needed. Similarly, I’m not talking about missing a hand-off in a process that is new to you. Then seeing it light as day when a mentor gives you feedback and you say to yourself “I should have seen that!” These are resilience phrases, these are competitive statements that will trigger performance.

“I’m so dumb. I don’t deserve better. This is all I’m worth and this is probably too much.” This is an example of what I’m talking about. This is negative talk that is critical and demeaning. It also implicates the speaker as not have the talent or skill to understand things. It belittles and devalues the speaker. It manifests a scarcity and poor circumstances for the negative speaker.

Do yourself, your friend, your community or, perish the though, a child a favor. If you hear them doubting and digging at themselves stop them. Say something nice. If you see it on their faces and in their posture stop them. Say something nice.

Grow the powerful habit of positive self-talk. Expect of yourself and expect nothing less from others.